Instead of asking for anything for Christmas I’m going to adopt a family and give children in need gifts for the holidays. I don’t need anything. I have a good life, I get more than I need on a regular basis. It’s time for me to think about children who won’t have anything under the tree. I’m excited to be doing this. It makes me feel really really good inside.
- start school.
- learn to knit.
- get a new peircing.
- get a job that will help me realize what i want to do with my life.
- start cosmetology this summer.
- make at least three new guy FRIENDS that go no further than that.
- smile more often.
- read my bible daily.
- start journaling again.
- spend a little less time on the internet.
- plant a flower garden in the spring in honor of my papa.
- get closer to my parents.
- drive to the beach just to see the sunrise.
- do at least one thing each week that scares the poop out of me.
- take a photography class.
- learn to dream again.
- go to more shows.
- worry a little less.
- read at least two books a month.
- bake tons of new things.
- give more and take less.
- stop looking for true love and let it find me.
- visit boston.
- join a gym.
- get a tattoo before Jan 15th. (19th birthday)
For me to change. Every single part about me has to change.
That’s apparent. You don’t want me to wait for you. I won’t. I know that you just don’t want me anymore. I know that’s it. It’s completely obvious that I’m doing something wrong as far as my relationships go. I’m too open with my feelings maybe? Maybe that gives people license to feel like they can do whatever they want with me or something. Maybe I just need to care a little less then I would actually be able to hang on to someone that I care about. Maybe If I just didn’t let anyone in I could actually function for a while. I’m too trusting. I believe in people too easily and I believe EVERY stinkin word that comes out of their mouths. From now on if it seems “too good to be true” I’m just going to assume that it is.
The more and more things like this end up happening, the more and more I’m afraid to take risks involving my heart. I’m still suffering from the aftermath of my two and a half year relationship from hell. That ruined me as a person. Every strong point that I had went down the drain from that relationship. I’m trying hard to bounce back from it. It ended a year ago and this process is still going on. I’m trying to break out of this shell that I’ve developed but people make it difficult. Why does it feel like when most people say that they’re always “here” for you they feel so far away and untouchable? Like they can’t be “there” for you at all even if they don’t realize it.
I’m not myself tonight, I’m not thinking clearly I only know one thing.
You and I are completely done. At least I know it now. But like I said on the phone, the only thing I wish is that you could have said it to my face…
Like I’m going to be sick.
Like I want to pick up and leave here right now.
Like I don’t know what to do.
Like I don’t know how to feel.
I just want a little ounce of hope to cling on to.
Did you check the tires
Put gas in the car
Don’t think you need too much, ‘cause you ain’t gonna get that far
Did you pack the good times
Don’t forget a map
Just in case the route you take isn’t there to take you back
You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it’s easy at night
But, you’ll wake up wondering why she ain’t ever something better
When you’re lost and run out of road
Find what I already know
In the end closer’s all there is
But you won’t find this
No, you won’t find this
There’s once in a lifetime
And there’s once in a while
And the difference between the two is about a million miles
Oh, you might get lucky while the moon is looking up
But in the truth of the morning, the stars will be long gone
You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it’s easy at night
But, you’ll wake up wondering why she ain’t ever something better
When you’re lost and run out of road
Find what I already know
In the end closer’s all there is
But you won’t find this
You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it’s easy at night
But, you’ll wake up wondering why she ain’t ever something better
When you’re lost and run out of road
Find what I already know
In the end closer’s all there is
Oh, in the end it’s me you’re going to miss
‘Cause you won’t find this
Oh, you won’t find this
- You Won’t Find This - Carrie Underwood
Last night
I was pouring out my heart
Like a waterfall to you
And with one kiss
I was a runaway train
Flying off the track to you
I love you came flooding out
I couldn’t make it stop
I couldn’t shut my mouth.
I felt like a fool then lied and said I was sorry, but
I unapologize
I meant every word
Won’t take back the way I feel about you
Can’t unsay what you heard
Cause you heard me right
And I won’t try to fighting back and hide my feelings for you
I unapologize
You know people say a lot that they really don’t mean.
Last night I told a little white lie
Hoping you would forget the scene.
We’re feeling like a movie under bad porch light
Couldn’t help myself when you held me tight
Said what I meant
Then I lied and said I’m sorry
I unapologize
I meant every word
Won’t take back the way I feel about you
Can’t unsay what you heard
Cause you heard me right
And I won’t try to fighting back to hide my feelings for you
I unapologize
There’s no time to be
Holding it all in and trying to pretend
That I don’t care feel anything
Oh, I shouldn’t have said I’m sorry
I meant every word
Won’t take back the way I feel about you
I can’t unsay what you heard
Cause you heard me right
And I won’t try to fight back to hide my feelings for you
I unapologize
Cause you heard me right.
I unapologize.
Unapologize - Carrie Underwood
Some people should really take Elementary School over again.
Like f’realllllll.
